Well...

It's no secret that despite the fact that only 4 children live in this house, there is almost always an extra one or three around this joint.  It's not a secret, because I complain about it regularly.  On one hand, I am glad that my kids are excited to have their pals over and that we are able to do it.  On the other hand, feeding extra teenagers is not cheap.
Apparently, feeding the children is unusual around here.  At our house, if it's time to eat, and your kids are here, they are going to eat.  I even keep a couple of "safe" options on hand for my daughter's friend who keeps kosher, in case she is over and we are having ham and bacon sandwiches (OK we've never had that, but it does sound good, doesn't it?).
Why then do MY kids come home from their friends houses famished?  (for the record, Abby has never come home hungry from her kosher friend's house.)  Every time I have to pull something together because my kid was at someone's house at dinner, but didn't eat, I SWEAR I am going to stop feeding the neighborhood.  But I don't.  Cause I am a weenie. 

Slave driver

Can someone please explain how I managed to raise 4 children who think they are exempt from doing chores?  Mind you, these are not unreasonable chores.  No one has been asked to scrub grout with their toothbrush, or build me a rec room.  I am talking loading the dishwasher, cleaning their own rooms, feeding their guinea pig and taking out the trash.  Without me screaming at them to do it.
Oh, my kids have the allowance thing DOWN.  And I know the "experts" say not to tie chores to allowance.  But at 15 and 13, finance is about the last thing I have over my kids.  If they expect to get money without having to ask for it, I expect to be able to put the trash in the can without it spilling over all over the place.
Apparently, that is a lot to ask for in this house...

It's not me, it's you

Dear Refined Sugar,
It really hurts me to do this, but I think we need to spend some time apart.  It's just that I have grown in ways I haven't expected...  Sideways.
When I really think about it, you are pretty awful.  You seem all sweet and nice, but you just want to hang around in places I would rather you stay away from. 
I know, we've had some good times over the years, but really, it's time.  Perhaps you and your pal High Fructose Corn Syrup can go and hang out with some teenagers with better metabolism.  You're right, I will probably be back.  Several times over.  But it's going to be just a short term thing, until I get my head back on straight.
Love,
Me